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Ecclestone reveals out of this world plans for F1

NEWS STORY
01/04/2015

In a totally unexpected move Bernie Ecclestone and Sir Richard Branson called an early morning press conference co-hosted from London and Pasadena, California. The entrepreneurial duo has announced details of a plan they say has been quietly in the works for the past twenty-five years, and finally explains many of the confusing decisions taken within Formula One during that time.

Bernie and his media staff hosted the London news conference, with a live video tie-in to Sir Richard at his Virgin Galactic headquarters in Pasadena. Gaining rapt silence with a polite wave of his hand Mr Ecclestone held the room spellbound as he commenced the press conference.

"Thank-you for joining us at such short notice. I'll not waste time and get direct to the business of the day. The project we are about to reveal to you has been a shared dream for Sir Richard and I for longer than I care to remember." opened Ecclestone.

To great surprise around the room Mr E explained that FormulaE had never been a racing category, it had simply been a test bed to prove the non-combustion technology for the engines he needed for a far grander plan. The technology was now ready to combine with the advanced test beds and simulators used by all the teams over the past decade to provide a far bigger show.

"Getting countries on-board with significant communications capability, and significant financial backing were the final pieces we required." Ecclestone continued, "We are seeking a giant leap for mankind on the racing scene. I had a dream, the chance to spread a harmony far further than anyone had ever before, and Sir Richard was the conductor to make it reality."

Smiling his trademark smile Sir Richard continued the story: "Bernie is a far-sighted man who loves the fans, and when he came to me about fifteen years ago, I immediately knew this was a vision I had to be a part of. It captured so many things that have driven me over the years."

In London a smiling and nodding Ecclestone nodded his head in time to Sir Richard's key points.

"When we got Abu Dhabi on side with the rest of the seed funding it was simply too good to let go. Bernie has spent years carefully gathering funds from all the circuits, but he was not amassing the required funds fast enough until the Arabian countries, and then Virgin, came on board.

“We had all the research pieces in place and now we had the backing," continued Sir Richard, "Then with a couple of years to go, it nearly came undone and it was time for Bernie to take a lead role in saving us." Branson pulled a serious face as he nodded to the camera and cast focus back to London.

Chuckling, Ecclestone continued the story, "I think you all know I play my cards close to my chest" he offered in a shy tone, eliciting polite laughter from the gathering of friendly journalists. "I'm sure Sir Richard will correct me if I get anything out of order. It ran something like this."

Nodding to an aid, the lights dimmed a fraction and a second display screen lit up next to the beaming Sir Richard, with delicate black and white images of the driving greats from the 1950s and 1960s dancing across it.

"We all know and love the heroic past that Formula One has built across the race tracks of the world,” said Ecclestone. “Well, Sir Richard and I are now going to do what no other sport has achieved. We want a whole new level of perfection for the fans. After decades of tireless effort I can now reveal what I was truly chasing for race fans around the world all along." Here he paused to check the room, not a sound. "We have the cars that require no oxygen to run. We have the colossal funding required, gathered from circuits and backers around the world. We have the remarkable simulators required for the finest of control, and the communications to beam that control anywhere we care." Bernie paused for effect, sweeping his kindly gaze around the room, "Ladies and gentlemen, Sir Richard and I are taking this sport to the stars!"

With a flourish, Bernie points to Sir Richard, and Branson, turning slowly and raising his arms above his head, stands tall as a massive curtain floats to the ground, revealing a Virgin Galactic ship larger than a jumbo jet.

"Yes ladies and gentlemen. Our 2022 season will open with the first ever race on another astral body. We will be running a three heavenly bodies, nine race series on the Moon, Mars, and Venus!"

The London room erupted in a sea of frantic clapping, a few emotional cheers rang out. Smiling Bernie patted the air with his hands palm down, gesturing for silence before he continued. It took some time for the room to settle, the buzz of energy in the air making everyone edgy with excitement.

"Yes, yes, yes. All the questions you have all been asking for over twenty years are finally answered. What is Bernie really doing? Well now you know. With the tireless support of Sir Richard, the technical knowledge gained in FormulaE, and the massive funds taken from the circuit owners I am giving you the first sport, the first spectacle, the first inter-planetary business undertaking for humanity!"

The room held its breath as he continued. "So many times we were concerned you'd worked it out before we were ready. Insisting on racing in deserts with extreme temperatures and no crowds. Forcing Pirelli to build more and more bizarre tyres, ending this last off-season with special cold weather tyres," Here he had to pause as he chuckled at his own story.

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READERS COMMENTS

 

1. Posted by PeterJ42, 02/04/2015 19:43

"But who would pay the out of this world hosting fees, complete with its 10% per year escalator?

And I'm told that Richard called the company Virgin because it never goes all the way!"

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2. Posted by Carugatese, 02/04/2015 14:49

"Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker will contend the title."

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3. Posted by Peter W, 02/04/2015 13:10 (moderated by an Adminstrator, 02/04/2015 13:13)

"This comment was removed by an administrator as it was judged to have broken the site's posting rules and etiquette."

Rating: Neutral (0)

4. Posted by NotRocketSurgery, 02/04/2015 7:15

"Well done, sir. Very clever, indeed. "

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5. Posted by Paul C, 02/04/2015 2:52

"Almost too true. It will probably be mentioned on late night talk shows in the USA."

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6. Posted by Yeyox02, 01/04/2015 23:50

"Mr. Ecclestone and others need a good psychiatrist. Poor F1."

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7. Posted by Silvereagle, 01/04/2015 23:35

"Perhaps Spaceship could fit a towbar!"

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8. Posted by nonickname, 01/04/2015 15:38

"HELLO EVERY ONE.....THIS IS APRIL FIRST I.E. 1 /4/2015. HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY"

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9. Posted by FormulaFun, 01/04/2015 14:33

"Hah another epic meme.
This really did give me a good laugh, I nearly cracked a rib!!!!
Blooming funny!!! I particularly had a 'lol' (as the youths say) at the reference you made to the apple company!!
Very funny!
-FormulaFun"

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10. Posted by Turbo_Frog, 01/04/2015 14:33

"Glad to hear that, as always, the FIA has got things under control. The high speeds required to escape Earth's atmosphere always seemed dangerous to me, so I'm glad someone is finally taking responsibility for this issue."

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11. Posted by Joop deBruin, 01/04/2015 14:26

"April Hobbit's Day!"

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12. Posted by Spindoctor, 01/04/2015 13:37

"I'm so glad Bernie's back to his visionary best...."

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13. Posted by BWesty, 01/04/2015 8:54

"I didn't even get through the first page and I knew it was a joke...lol:)"

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14. Posted by Hondawho?, 01/04/2015 8:44

"Loved it, except the part that promotes Branson!"

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15. Posted by Chris Roper, 01/04/2015 7:50 (moderated by an Adminstrator, 02/04/2015 13:13)

""Bernie is a far-sighted man who loves the fans, ....."
That was the real "April Fools Joke", nobody would ever believe that line."

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