Now that the dust and advertising hoardings have settled, it's time to review the "Alternative Formula 1 Championship". First, the 100-word review.

An all silver front row was, by the end of lap one, a distant memory as Schumacher waltzed off into the hazy distance, relinquishing his lead only briefly after his first pit stop. The rest followed at a respectable distance Hakkinen expired and Irvine wanted to check out those advertising hoardings at close range. Herbert puffed as did Rubinho. Coulthard struggled in his illegal and gearless McLaren while the rest jostled for the minor placings. Fisichella, the Jordans and the Williams' stayed out of trouble and swept into the minor points. And Saturday's dog pissed on the McLaren's fireworks!..yet again.

Results

10 points - David Coulthard - deserved better from his team which provided him with his shonky car after busting his balls out there lacking 2nd and 3rd gear. Top effort DC.
6 points - Giancarlo Fisichella - a revitalised Fisi in a revitalised Renault (oops Benetton).
4 points - Michael Schumacher - faultless race.
3 points - Jenson Button - never mind MS overtaking MH at the end of lap one, Jenson's move on Verstappen was awesome.
2 points - Heinz-Harald Frentzen - nice drive from someone whose mind is probably not on the job as he awaits the arrival of Heinz junior.
1 point - Jarno Trulli - first point this year for this affable Italian.
-1 point - Eddie Irvine - Eddie Eddie Eddie! silly.
-2 points - The Dog - while it sounded comical, it probably wasn't for his/her victims.
-3 points - Owner of The Dog - what were they thinking?
-4 points - Flavio Briatore - can't bring myself to take the full complement of points from him this race. After all, just a week after taking over at Benetton, one of his cars finishes 2nd.
-6 points - Alex Wurz - totally and utterly shown up by Fisichella, who showed what is possible in the Benetton.
- 10 points - Me - after emails this week saying I ought to be awarded minus 20 points for my apparent lack of objectivity. All I can say is that I am totally objective. I suspect the email emanated from the Powerbook of Flavio Briatore.

Constructors

10 points - Sauber - for putting driver safety ahead of themselves and their sponsors. Well done Peter.
6 points - Ferrari - superior strategy put them ahead of McLaren and superior teamwork kept them there.
4 points - Jordan - finally coming together after a dismal season opener.
3 points - Williams - great effort from the struggling Williams team to have both cars finish in the points.
2 points - Benetton - Terrific effort by a team with what is essentially a crap car.
1 point - Arrows - still that phenomenal speed but for god's sake, hire a chassis designer.
-1 point - BAR - after promising much in Melbourne, a disappointing end for Jacques and the team.
-2 points - Jaguar - much was expected, but they have yet to deliver.
-3 points - Prost - failure yet again, too slow, too blue too French.
-4 points - Sauber (again) - although they put driver safety ahead of all else, how hard can it be to have a car on which something as fundamental as wings, work?
-6 points - Minardi - poor old Minardi. The car looks great, but something just 'aint right.
-10 points - McLaren - yup!.old Ron and the boys again. For a team that so dominated the last two seasons, something is seriously afoot round Woking way. And! I bet Ron has changed his tune vis-à-vis the Ferrari appeal of last year now that the Schu is on the other foot.