If it waddles, has feathers, webbed feet and a beak, swims on ponds and quacks, there is a very good chance it is a duck. So runs a synthesis of an age old adage. BUT!

Enter the era of marketing and spin. Are you sure it is a duck? Don't let it speak to cover the quacks, use a bit of soft focus and it might actually be a goose or maybe a swan? Go the extra mile, portray it wearing Armani while seated at an exclusive bar sipping an exotic cocktail? Maybe it's really Victoria Beckham or Brit-nay Spears simply disguised to avoid the media?

And yet despite all these years of spin-masters legitimising their stupendous fees, most folks still know a duck when they regard one. And not only are most folk not fooled by the spin-masters, they are mostly left feeling annoyed and insulted. As an aside, most people are extra-annoyed when the spin is being paid for by the taxes they are forced to hand over to governments.

So I am compelled to promise you a few paragraphs utterly devoid of spin. Indeed I will do my very best to frequently regard my ducks that I remain sure of who they are. I may even ridicule a few duck-nay-sayers along the way.

As of my most recent glance at the news on pitpass, I am appraised that not only will the FIA be investigating the apparent use of team orders at this year's Monaco GP, I further learn that the commercial rights holder of the sport is demanding a draconian punishment should as much be proven.

For once I can use names without any fear whatsoever. The investigating body is the FIA, headed by his presidentialness Max Mosley. Speaking on behalf of the commercial rights holder is a chap named Bernie Ecclestone. These names are important. Do try and remember them.

Bern used to run a little outfit racing in F1 called Brabham. Max used to be part of a conclave also racing in F1 under the name of March.

I offer my first stupendously simple challenge. Are either or both of Max or Bern prepared to sign a sworn statement to the effect that, during their time as entrants in Formula One, they never, ever, once issued team orders? Ever? I shall keep an eye on my inbox and rest assured that should I receive as much from either, Pitpass readers will be advised post haste. I am less than hopeful of such a missive ever making its way into my hands.

Am I being cranky? Of course. Am being pedantic? Naturally. Am I expecting a couple of chaps who are seemingly championing piety to regard their own pasts and tell me, hand on heart, that this behaviour by which they are so apparently reviled is not something they themselves have been a party to in years gone by? Yes Quebec, that was a rhetorical question!

Most importantly, am I suggesting that F1's rules have become a fluid subject, whose enforcement is driven more by public popularity - or worse yet, commercial imperatives - than good governance? Yup, that's my drift.