We considered suspending this column as a mark of respect to Michele Alboreto. Our vintage is such that Alboreto's name is commensurate with our earliest memories of our F1 passion. That Michele was still actively competing in the upper echelons of motorsport 20 years after he first graced Formula One speaks volumes of his nature as a racer. There are those who will opine that Alboreto is the latest reminder that motor racing is a dangerous affair. For us the loss is more than that and we openly admit that this sentiment is an emotional one. For reasons too hard to adequately articulate, we have felt the loss of the great Italian personally and deeply. We would like to extend our heartfelt condolences to the family, loved ones and fellow fans of Michele Alboreto.

This has been a difficult couple of weeks at the Alternative Championship Headquarters (AC-HQ). As everyone is by now aware, our beloved Gaston The Bard, has been cast asunder from the bad ship Prost, depriving modern F1 of one of the most under-rated literary talents since!!since!!.well, since nobody really. We spent the week moping about our respective wings of the AC-HQ, downing far more shandies (light on the fizz) than is generally considered healthy. Evenings would be spent at the Plumbers Arms, further drowning our sorrows propped against the faux-oak Formica bar while the lugubrious Nev, listened without judgement to our tales of woe and self-loathing. Nev listened sagely, then passed on his words of wisdom.

"Lads!!you need to get over this fixation with the young Argentine fella. And in my cosmos, there's only one way to achieve this."

We listened raptly, hanging on Nev's every word as we wont to do.

"You've gotta get back in the saddle lads, allegorically speaking of course. Find someone else to fill the gaping void that has been left in your collective existences. Gaston's gone and he's not coming back. So you'd better get used to the idea and move on."

And of course, he was right (he always is). Which brings us to the subject of Jolly Nick!!..we at the AC-HQ always thought Jolly Nick was a little 'odd', a little 'queer' (no, not that sort of little "queer" you filthy-minded perverts) if you will, but we had no idea just how literate Nick Heidfeld is. Not only does he form one half of the dynamic Sauber duo (with Young Kimi), but it seems to us that Jolly Nick has graced the hallowed halls of Trinity College Cambridge to read English. Take this example (sent to us by astute and loyal reader, Bob, he with the Wiggle-watching daughter)!..

"I think that the Circuit de Catalunya should suit our package well, so I am looking forward to the race," said Jolly Nick. "I also like events where the driver can play a significant part, and here you need to be particularly careful not to over-stress your tyres during the race. That keeps you on your mettle, trying to drive as quickly as possible while also being very smooth."

We may just have found Gaston's heir apparent. And never mind Shakespeare. Jolly Nick is pure Goethe.

While we are bestowing accolades and awards, it didn't escape our attention earlier this week that Bernie, F1's favourite omnipotent oligarch, has carved graven images in his likeness and awarded "Bernies" to selected high-profile members of the F1 fraternity.

ACHQ Editorial Note. Remove Before Publishing Crompo, does this mean that he of the diminutive stature now has a diminutive statue? - Rob

Nevertheless, we are less than impressed with Bernies "Oscarfication" and have no alternative but to agree with Jacques Villeneuve's sentiments regarding the little statuette (see pic)

Owing the fact that we at the (AC-HQ) like to sink the odd shandy while we take in a Grand Prix, we find it helpful to make notes during the race. This makes it much easier to write our column the next day when we are sober!!er!!rested. We have taken the unprecedented step of publishing these notes which represent a sad indictment of the dull state of modern F1.