First your scribe needs to state that BAR, aka British American Racing, retain the Perpetual Hubris Trophy, lovingly referred to as the Perpetual Right Arse Trophy or PRAT award.

Thankfully, this being F1, nothing is forever, and as such we can re-award the PRAT any time we elect to hold a straw poll, shouting match down the pub, or gather together for the solemn occasion of a concert interrupted by a motor race.

I recently released my article Hubris and the Drudge Reduction System wherein I rolled my eyes in despair as Audi announced just how humble they are in wishing to be the most successful team in F1 history. Yet no sooner do we have time to sing a rousing chorus of "What shall we do with the drunken sailor!?" before Cadillac leap into the centre of the dance floor with their own hubris inspired routine of gyrations and shimmy.

For those of us that lived through the storied BAR times, the Age of BAR (side note I was considering calling it the BAR Family time, gifting me BARF time to play with, but it felt better to avoid such crass-talk this early in the season). Where was I? Oh yes. BAR was a slick pile of monkey droppings if ever there was one! Smooth looks, super cool Jacques out front, disagreements every other week with the FIA over paint jobs, advertising, and anything else the rules specifically forbade. For me, the riposte of the zipper paint job of 1999 was brilliant! BAR wanted a different advertising livery for their two cars. The FIA pointed out the rules and said "Non! Both cars must be the same!" So, BAR, having just generated a pile of free advertising via the public argument proceeded to run the cars with each side painted a different livery, with a huge zipper down the middle! Brilliant! All that air time generated for free by the FIA, plus the zipper look had a great back story. Shame it could not win a race to save its life.

The BAR tag line was "A tradition of excellence". Which would have been great if (a) they had existed long enough to have any form of tradition other than team members breathe oxygen, and (b) if anything they did, touched, or produced was actually excellent other than the advertising copy.

The recent pre-season has revealed the difference between those with long enough memories to recall this farcical adventure in F1, and those fresh from the virginal flush of delight of the first blushing kiss of an F1 sponsor. It appears, dear reader, that no one at either Cadillac or Audi has read up on the history, and as a result each has fallen for the breath-mint sweet kisses.

All of a sudden the wildest musings of Zak Brown look well-reasoned, and the hubris-lite of Toto a study in Stoic self-restraint. So, with the PRAT trophy on BAR's mantlepiece for all time (...or is it!?) Cadillac and Audi have elected to pop-on the old Doc Martin's, march into the middle of the (Liberty Media) dance floor and proceed to stamp most vigorously where both Angels and all other teams fear to tread.

Esteemed Editor Balfe was delighted to receive a livery release email from Cadillac which included the following Bon Mots...

"The striking White and Black scheme will be used by the American squad throughout 2026..." Ok so far, a bland statement of fact.

Then I think the Bud Lite was traded for a Jim Beam as we move into the fourth paragraph which is where the Hubris juices start flowing. Let me quote it in full for your edification...

The Cadillac Formula 1® Team car is dual color, with one black side and one white side. The design gradient, which evokes speed when the car is stationary, is actually a Cadillac chevron repeating: a subtle nod to the co-ownership of General Motors and the iconic Cadillac symbol. Drawing on cinematic craft and musical restraint, the livery reveal film is directed by Sam Piling, whose work is known for turning simple ideas into visceral, high-impact visual statements, and scored by Max Richter, one of the world's most influential contemporary composers. The livery uses asymmetry as a deliberate design philosophy: a yin-and-yang balance expressed through stark black and white, where grit, determination, and performance meet aspiration, optimism and ambition.

"Evokes speed when the car is stationary...", "Cinematic craft and musical restraint...", "...where grit, determination, and performance meet aspiration, optimism and ambition." ChatGTP what were you thinking!? Not to mention that mimicking the BAR "split sides" approach to the livery is not exactly recalling the most successful team in F1 history.

Fast forward to the season opener. V. Max gets thrown into the barriers during qualifying. Oscar bins it on the formation lap. We nearly, so nearly, had a start line shunt for the ages avoided by remarkable skill, reflexes and observation. That was 100% down to the drivers, nothing to do with the FIA or Liberty Media.

Cadillac qualified 18th and 19th thanks to V. Max, Sainz, and Stroll all posting no time. Perez's 1:22.6 being only a modest few clicks behind George's pole time of 1:18.5. Well, actually a few clicks over 4 seconds slower. Four Seconds over a single flying lap. Meantime, Audi was suitable upper mid-pack qualifying 10th and 11th, a shade under two seconds off the pole pace.

With the Melbourne opener being a 58 lap affair that means Cadillac could be as much as 4.1secs x 58 = around 3 laps off the winner by race end. Actual result? Bottas was exit stage left by lap 15, while Perez made race distance... three laps off the leaders.

Bortoleto pedalled the Audi home in 9th place, a lap down on the top six, but points none the less. A good start. Or was it? V. Max started 20th on the grid due to no qualifying time. Yet drove his way to a 6th place finish on the same lap as the other five leading cars. So, V. Max started ten placed behind Bortoleto, yet came back to beat him by three places and an entire lap. Whereas Perez only started two places ahead of V. Max... before proceeding to finish three laps behind him. Three laps down!

I can only commend the BAR story to Audi and Cadillac so many times before one stops the application of brick wall to forehead and moves on to other less immutable stresses.

I recommend Audi and Cadillac both scroll UberEats and find the largest serving of humble pie they can stomach, and order immediately! They are in danger of looking like a bunch of crack-crazed kittens chasing woollen balls down a glacier into a pool of lava. Slippery slope, fiery end. But hell! The chase was fun!

As a cat lover who hates the smell of lava fried kittens in the morning I hope they go read the BAR history and chill. Will they? Of course not! They are all drinking the Liberty Media Koolaid right now and they all have dollar signs spinning in their eyes faster than Scrooge McDuck on rent collection day.

The gentlemen racers have started their hubris engines and cannot stop their immense spinning speed. So we fans had better strap in and grab a glass of red/herbal tea. Because the season has only just begun. And that much spinning will surely result in blood on the rooftops.

(Ed's note: Sadly, Max has failed to mention one aspect where Cadillac is definitely leading the field, the use of ® and ™ trademarks in their releases. The China preview actually contains three in the opening sentence. Also, while he mentions the 555/(un)Lucky Strike split livery, he fails to mention BAR's finest contribution to the sport's history... that of the My Earth Dream nonsense.)

Max Noble

Learn more about Max and check out his previous features, here