Mercy be that the FIA have uncovered the ruse! Those scheme-demons at Red Bull were trying to pull a fast one by having V. Max sandbag the first half of the season! God Bless those Blood Hounds of Truth!
Here we are with Mercedes on 538 points, Ferrari on 378, and McLaren on a modest 306. Yet those cheeky spanner monkeys at Red Bull, sit on a massive 4th place total of 263. Ahead of their sister team by 180 points, while trailing Mercedes by 275, and 3rd place McLaren by 43. Yet the FIA decree they have built the season's best ICE!
Clearly the lucky rabbit's foot (not so lucky for the rabbit) is working well each race day when Toto rubs it all over his engine covers. Lucked into a pile of wins, and every single pole of the first third of the year with a bucket of spanners for an engine! Then Ferrari, with a side order of luck, have only managed a mere two wins with their drivers forced to pedal for the majority of each lap. Compared to the amazing Red Bull haul of zero wins, zero poles, and one fastest lap.
Hang on, just the ICE? Why yes dear reader. All the other "power bits" would appear, for some reason, to not be measured or included within this FIA circle of dark magic.
No wonder the spanner monkeys over at Red Bull are scratching their chins in confusion. Clearly Mercedes, Ferrari, and probably McLaren, are all faster cars than the Red Bull at this point in the season, yet Red Bull have been judged to hold the greatest ICE.
Has no one pointed out to the FIA that in a position where the original power split was 50/50, that ignoring the "not-ICE" bits of the power unit provides a 50% free pass on power generation? Even at 60/40 (or some ratio heading in that direction) this provides a 40% free pass. Or are we saying that all the non-ICE bits are not worth peanuts?
Confused? I know Red Bull are. No wonder they have issued such a polite "Please explain" to the FIA. Seriously, did the FIA get Toto to perform the final spell and grammar checks on the rules? Or maybe they allowed Ferrari "fifteen minutes alone with the rules and a word processor". As we continue flying into the second half of the season it is rather hard to say.
I love a screaming V8 as much as the next engine noise lover. Hearing a flat-plane crank Aston giving it some herbs in a tunnel is the sort of thing that makes one howl like an American Werewolf in London. Which is the just and correct order of the universe.
Neither the Cutty Sark (fastest of her kind) or a Saturn V rocket has a V8. Not a single cylinder in sight. Yet both are works of art, engineering marvels, and speed demons in their respective fields. One could add the Flying Scotsman and the SR-71, but I think, dear reader, that you get the picture.
As an electrical engineer by training, and a software engineer through years as an apprentice to the dark arts of RTL/2, C, C++, Ada, and back in the day assembler, I love modern machines as much as the next nerd, so the current hybrid power plants fascinate me. I love them as engineering works of art. They are stunning. That power in such a small package was beyond imagination thirty years ago. Does that mean I bow at their altar with nothing but love in my heart? Well no. Not because of the engineering, or the design concept, because those clowns at the FIA (refer last article) took a brilliant cutting-edge concept, bleeding edge technology, and hobbled it with an arcane overly complex rule set. A rule set that makes the off-side rule look calm and logical, the rules of cricket as reasonable as the need for a glass of water on a hot day, and the workings of the UN a master class in clinical effectiveness.
V. Max, he of the recent stoic discovery of acceptance, told them years ago: "This is going to be bad". Then the teams got their simulations functional and started going, "Oh... that's not good." Then as recently as the other weekend, Alonso once again pointed out that the legendary corners of the great racing circuits had all been turned into recharge zones for the next blast down a straight. I do believe a previous comment of his was "...the cook could drive these cars."
The current power units are towering works of engineered art. The current rules show that rabid chipmunks could perform more reasonably than the FIA. We have a rule problem, not a power plant and/or technology problem.
So the latest genius move from the FIA...? Make races shorter! Brilliant! They cannot believe their luck as over the next ten years they sneak towards a race weekend being two sprint races. All in the name of reducing "super clipping" on those engines that contain those evil, evil electrons! Ask Ms Physics you monkeys! The engine concept is not the problem. Physics is not the problem. Your designed-by-committee-where-everyone-got-to-add-three-sentences (to be fair and inclusive) idiot rules are the problem!
So they redress the power balance, shorten races and, for now at least, do not take the blow torch to the dumb rules causing all these issues. V. Max saw it. The teams modelled it. The FIA refuses to admit it, while awarding Red Bull "ICE of the Year!", for running fourth in the championship, with a win this season looking increasingly unlikely. Yup. I'm more convinced than ever that Toto saw this coming and used his Jedi mind tricks to ease the wording specifically towards measuring the ICE, knowing that Mercedes was going to drop the mother of all electrical sections into the back of their Silver Arrows.
Going back a few years, I can imagine the Olympic committee watching yet another Usain Bolt sprinting master class and electing to make some FIA/Liberty style observations. "That guy in fourth was actually moving faster in the middle 11 metres of the race. Let's give him gold!" Then, "Running spikes and shorts make this too easy. Let's put them in cocktail dresses, 6-inch heels, and have them run backward. That's what the fans really want!" Or, most importantly, "Who wants to sit around for all these bloody metres in races!? Let's have a 10m sprint final. A 25m middle distance final, and a 100m marathon! Leaves more time for the concerts and fan experiences! No real fan wants all those metres!"
Dear reader, can you feel my angst? The rules are the problem, but as the FIA will not admit that, they keep inventing symptoms to address with fixes we never needed if they would only address the root causes!
We, as (long suffering) fans, need to join V. Max on his stoic journey. "It is what it is." "I'll make the best of this year." "Next can only be better." Etc. etc.
So, a quality gin and plenty of ICE with the tonic. It will smooth the pains of this season.
The most esteemed of the Stoics is generally considered Marcus Aurelius. Given V. Max's clear stoic direction this season I think a few quotes are called for in our current dark hour. Take it away Marcus... "You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realise this, and you will find strength." Or possibly, "Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth." And one last cracker, "The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts."
To think Marcus lived from April 121AD to March 180AD. He died 1,846 years ago, but had already worked out how to survive the lunacy of the FIA and Liberty Media. We must follow V. Max's lead, and listen to his wisdom to survive a painful season.
Now I think the sun is so politely over the yard arm that a Tanqueray and tonic with a sensible serving of ICE, oh and a slice, is called for! I wonder if it would be more exciting with a few additional electrons in it? Where's my spare car battery and jumper leads!?
Max Noble
Learn more about Max and check out his previous features, here
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