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2004 Alternative Championship Round 4 - Some-or-other -beer-company San Marino Grand Prix

FEATURE BY MARGEIT & CROMPTON
11/05/2004

According to die-hard minimalists, less is more. Frankly, that never made much sense to us. Here at The Alternative Championship Headquarters (ACHQ) we tend to subscribe to the belief that less is actually less, and more, unremarkably, is in fact, more.

After all if less really was more, we'd be demanding less overtaking in Formula One and that would be an insane thing to say. Conversely, if more was indeed less, then we'd be baying for more of James Allen's banal, florid, screeching insights and we reckon that kind of assertion could get us lynched.

However! It is only a matter of days until the Spanish GP and we've not written fiddly-jot about that lacklustre affair at San Marino. Accordingly, we are now happily adopting the minimalist view. The way we see it, that's the easiest way to get a column done before Editor Balfe further elongates his already-spectacular list of grievances concerning us.

Besides, while debate may rage eternal as to moreness of less or the lessness of more or whatever the heck the debate is, we have no doubt whatsoever that easier is, always has been and always will be just plain easier. Moreover, easier will always appeal to bone-idle layabouts like us.

(You two would have to be considerably more industrious before you could drag yourselves all the way up to being bone-idle - Ed)

(Fine, if we're so lazy, then we reckon all the hate-mail generated by this column should be directed to you since clearly we're far too slothful to ever be bothered responding. And anyway, as controversial as this lot is, be grateful that we probably didn't manage to offend the sad plethora of devotees, eagerly awaiting the resurrection of their beloved idol, Jacques - Rob and Crompo)

(Actually, I think you just did - Ed)

And so loyal readership - a readership we now have to proudly remove our shoes and socks to tally - here is possibly the most compact incarnation of The Alternative Championship you're ever likely to read.

Drivers

10 points - Jenson Button: Impressive

6 points - Michael Schumacher: Predictable

4 points - Fernando Alonso: Unyielding

3 points - Kimi Raikkonen: Lenient

2 points - Jarno Trulli: Adequate

-3 points - Rubens Barrichello: Acquiescent

-4 points - Ralf Schumacher: Gormless

-6 points - David Coulthard: Git

-10 points Juan Pablo Montoya: Hypocrite

Constructors

10 Points - Ferrari: Winning

6 Points - BAR: Ascendant

4 points - Renault: Lurking

3 points - WilliamsF1: Ambiguous

1 point - Minardi: Present

-2 points - Sauber: Languid

-3 points - Jaguar: Committee

-4 points - Toyota: Unremarkable

-6 points - McLaren: Tragic

-10 points - Jordan: Who?

Standings - Drivers

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