Here at the AC-HQ, we regard Interlagos with the same reverence that the crystal-toting nutters of the world revere the Bermuda Triangle. To us the mysterious track between the lakes is synonymous with excessive displays of Sir Isaac Newton's most revered apple-driven (not Orange™-driven) discovery, gravity. Year after year, this circuit distinguishes itself by underscoring Sir Isaac's postulation that "stuff that goes up, comes down again". Back in '94 Jos Verstappen's Benetton was cast up from the track surface (with a little help from a certain Mr Irvine) and sure enough came down squarely on Martin Brundle's head. Scroll forward to 2000 and a recalcitrant trackside advertising sign succumbed to an insatiable urge to be reunited with mother earth, to not inconsiderable angst of Crazy Jean. 2001 and we were not to be disappointed. An entire camera gantry above the Jaguar pit reiterated Mr Newton's principle with a resounding thud. Just ask eyewitness and almost-victim, Bobby Rahal. Wretchedly, the mystic gravitational properties of the track failed us when we "bet the farm" at Ladbrokes that MIR would land there.
Much speculation has floated around in the last week as to the effects of foot and mouth disease on the British Grand Prix at Silverstone later this year. To us at the AC-HQ, the answer seems quite simple. If the BRDC (the Silverstone governing body) wish to be rid of the dreaded effects of foot and mouth disease at Silverstone, they should simply remove Eddie Irvine from their membership list. Although, having said that, it seems to us, that Rubens is staking a claim to Eddie's mantle as the outspoken driver of the current crop. Seems to be a common affliction for Ferrari Number Twos. Hmmmmm.
AC-HQ Editorial Note. Remove before publishing: Rob, That's foot AND mouth disease you city-born idiot, not Foot IN mouth. - Crompo
AC-HQ Editorial Note. Remove before publishing: Dohhh!!! - Rob
A note of praise for a colleague is in order here. Before the weekend's hostilities began, Planet-F1's man on the spot, "Scoop" Constanduros prophesised a weekend of surprises. To his eternal credit, his one Bob's worth turned out to be pretty close to the mark. With that, it's on to the points.
Drivers
10 Points - Juan-Pablo Montoya: At last the long awaited return of a real-deal race driver. How many times have we all marvelled as the pace car veers of the track and behold, nobody is ever in a position to take advantage of the restart situation? Finally there seems to be some Juan (we crack us up) who is. Regrettably we were denied the spectacle of this testicles-out driver in the wet when Jos chose Brazil as the place to resume his violent ways of Verstappen slappens. Rhetoric from the post-race blurb postulated that every Juan else (sorry) would have had Montoya's measure in the wet. Given the amount of tail-wagging we saw in the dry, we're not so sure. For us he's the number Juan guy of the weekend (sorry!!had to do it Juan more time).
6 Points - Nick Heidfeld: This weekend saw the faith so many had shown in Nick a few years back, rewarded. After a lack-lustre year at Prost, many had revoked their support of the young German and duly pronounced him to be the next Jan Magnussen. It took the wily skills of creche-master extraordinaire, Peter Sauber to bring out the best in Nick. While the promiscuous Alain Prost had been happy for Heidfeld to run amok with the dames, Sauber recognised that Randy Nick was arriving at the track a spent force. Reacting to the situation with typical Swiss efficiency, Sauber immediately slapped a "nooky" ban on both of his young stallions. A mere one race later, his strategy reaped rewards and former stud-muffin Nick is putting his excess testosterone to productive use. One can only ponder what James Hunt or Eddie Irvine might have achieved under such administration.
4 Points - Olivier Panis: We keep telling you how flash this guy is. At the AC-HQ, we reckon he's flasher than a rat with a gold tooth (that's a regular rat, not Lauda). Like the senior Schumacher in Malaysia, Livvy was forced to wait his turn in the pit box as the rain came down. BAR technical director Mal Oastler told us that the debacle added over a minute to the stop, which, after consulting the AC-HQ abacus, we realised would have put our favourite Frenchman on the lesser step of the podium. Remember this a guy that F1's premier producer of bacon transporters once sacked. Another great call there Alain.
3 Points - David Coulthard: Another of the weekends when DC lived up to his own pre-season talk-fest. McLaren are yet to supply David with a decent mount (note to Randy Nick, a decent mount is AC-HQ speak for a good race car). Despite this, he overcame all that was thrown his way, including the usual dumb-arse post race interview questions about being number two, a monsoonal storm and of course a boss who spent the race pining for one good Finn. Once more we are left toying with the thought that Mr and Mrs Coulthard may have produced a canny lad who will one day return home to Twynholme, resplendent in his jewelled battle kilt and carrying the big shiny cup he's been chasing for a while now.
2 points - Jarno Trulli: All in all not a bad effort from the crazy Italian. There is still much speculation as to which team exactly is the recipient of the A1 Primo Honda F1 engines, and which team is receiving the 70's Honda Scamp cast-offs. UP until this weekend, one would tend to favour the yellow cars. Jarno, has shown he is quick in the past, and we firmly believe he can and will, with time, show us what he is Trulli (hehehe!.god we're bad) capable of. Interestingly, Trulli pipped team mate Heinz-Harry in qualifying by exactly 3/1000th of a second. We have done the math (on the AC-HQ slide rule), and worked out that this is exactly the amount of time that would be added to an optimum Jordan lap if one were to be carrying the extra weight of a packet of B&H Extra Mild on board. May we suggest to Heinz-Harry, that he change to B & H Lights.
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