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Sillier and sillier

NEWS STORY
26/06/2014

A dearth of real news has inevitably led to some nonsensical reports in recent days... but don't ignore all of them.

It began when the Daily Fail claimed that Lewis Hamilton, who recently visited the Circuit do Catalunya for the Moto GP race, said he wanted to emulate John Surtees and win titles on two and four wheel.

"It would be cool to do that," said the Briton. Good luck with that Lewis.

To give the article added credence, we were told: "Surtees, who is now 80, added the Formula One title of 1966 to seven motorcycle world championships – an accomplishment that not only won him the BBC Sports Personality of the Year award but motor-sport immortality."

Lewis has been in the news again since, the Mercedes driver - currently battling for the title with his Mercedes teammate, having won half of the races held thus far this year, is being targeted by McLaren, currently sixth in the standings.

Then again, we are reliably informed that the Woking outfit is targeting Fernando Alonso, and we all know how that worked out before.

As if those that make up the rules - and we mean that in every sense - weren't doing enough damage - titanium skid plates and standing starts following red flag incidents - we are also told that after all this time, and countless hundreds of millions, Renault is considering selling its F1 Sport operation. Yeh right or the French equivalent.

Amongst all the nonsense however, there are some genuine scoops out there, and we are delighted to be able to reveal, courtesy of a well-placed source, that the F1 Strategy Group has come up with further ideas in terms of cost cutting.

As the sport further attempt to improve its 'green' credentials, it is being proposed that when a car returns to the pits, each team member will take it in turn to charge their mobile phone or lap top from the residual charge in the car's battery.

Ferrari will be banned from using flo-vis on Grand Prix weekend Fridays, a saving of around £587,000 each race.

All drivers will be restricted to only five different helmet designs per season.

All cars can only have a max of three logos and one paint colour - McLaren having introduced the idea a year early.

Team personnel are to bring their own packed lunches for race weekends and all tea-bags are to be used twice.

Our source claims that the Strategy Group is really struggling for further ideas so any other suggestions will be welcome... and probably accepted.

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READERS COMMENTS

 

1. Posted by FormerFan, 27/06/2014 12:25

"Go greener AND cut costs.

FP1, 2, 3 and qualifying are all completed using a Sony Playstation 1 and a Formula 1 game.
"

Rating: Neutral (0)     Rate comment: Positive | NegativeReport this comment

2. Posted by Tetley, 27/06/2014 12:12

"Seriously - Double the thickness of the "plank"
Alternative - Double the thickness of the "plank" and install speed bumps at random ."

Rating: Neutral (0)     Rate comment: Positive | NegativeReport this comment

3. Posted by Skidmarks, 27/06/2014 10:49

"Is it true that Trevor Baylis has been asked to introduce his radio technology to the steering wheels to allow the drivers to add to the battery power? "

Rating: Neutral (0)     Rate comment: Positive | NegativeReport this comment

4. Posted by Red Baron, 27/06/2014 8:39

"I'd go a step further and have the drivers change their own wheels with that 1 wheel gun ;)"

Rating: Positive (2)     Rate comment: Positive | NegativeReport this comment

5. Posted by Deepdarklake, 27/06/2014 5:59

"How about only 1 wheel gun allowed in the entire pit lane, cars have to queue for the use of it. With the exception of course of Ferrari who will have been given a Fastpass for "Historic Reasons"."

Rating: Positive (3)     Rate comment: Positive | NegativeReport this comment

6. Posted by Mike Jacobson, 27/06/2014 3:52

"The FIA and FOM won't take the slightest notice of constructive suggestions from us F1 devotees.

The only thing that influences them is the number of TV viewers, which is in freefall for reasons that the FIA and FOM are unable and/or unwilling to fathom.

After F1's TV ratings hit the wall, maybe the new boss(es) will finally listen to what the fans have been saying for years."

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7. Posted by imejl99, 26/06/2014 14:08

"2 5minutes TV Time-out for commercials and live reporting from the asphalt, 1st at 30% race distance + 1lap and 2nd at 60% race distance + 1Lap, no work on the cars allowed, flying restart behind safety car. All additional advertising revenue generated by those 2 TO`s to be spent on solar rear wing R&D."

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8. Posted by vins0n, 26/06/2014 13:21

"Looking at the picture I thought that they were introducing "Action Lewis" available at Toys r Us"

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9. Posted by morgan, 26/06/2014 12:25

"Nice article, I just heard they are limiting each pit garage to 1x 13 Amp socket, not as silly as it sounds.It would save an awful lot of money."

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10. Posted by Vladimir, 26/06/2014 12:22

"It's so silly that it was reported John Surtees won his F1 championship in 1966, when it was really 1964. Black Jack Brabham, in his own car, took the title in '66!"

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11. Posted by Vee Racer, 26/06/2014 11:33

"How about directing all of the hot air generated from the various "Formula 1 Experts" to pre-heat the rubber."

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