05/05/2010
FEATURE BY MIKE LAWRENCE
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I was opposed to Jean Todt becoming President of the FIA. This was not animosity directed against M. Todt, I don't know the man personally, though I have every reason to admire his remarkable record in motor sport.
I thought that the FIA would be healthier if the Anglo-French domination was broken. The Secretary General of the United Nations always comes from a country which does not have a seat on the Security Council and this is healthy. I was not happy that Mosley nominated Todt as his successor, my understanding of the rules is that he was not permitted to do that, but he did it anyway.
The outgoing administration certainly skewed the ballot. Because Todt was appointed as a safety delegate to the FIA, he had the use of a private jet and so was able to fly to lots of places to press the flesh. Remember, each affiliated country gets a vote for President of the FIA regardless of size, wealth, industrial clout or its contribution to motor sport.
While Mosley was banging on about the environment, Todt was laying down his carbon footprint to get votes.
There were occasions when Todt was able to attend events courtesy of his FIA position while his opponent, Ari Vatanen, World Rally Champion, and former MEP, was excluded. For me, this was typical of the FIA in the latter days of Mosley's Presidency. Mosley stayed on far too long and never fulfilled the prophecy he made to me in 1996 when he said that he would run for only two full terms because he thought that staying on would corrupt him. I taped the conversation, with Max's consent. I have the conversation on tape.
Having said all that, it is time to eat my words regarding M. Todt, because I like him. Unless you are English, you have no idea what it is like to say you admire a frog-eater, but I have warmed to M. Todt.
Todt is a Chevalier de la Legion d'Honneur, the French equivalent of a knighthood, and I bet he won't object if I afford him the courtesy given to knights and refer to him as 'Sir Jean'. Hey, I now refer to Stirling Moss as Sir God, not just God.
With no fanfare, Sir Jean has done a very good job behind the scenes. He inherited all kinds of crap from the Mosley era and he appears to have settled Crashgate. Flavio Briatore may, in theory, return to Formula One. Also, in theory, pigs may acquire aviation skills.
Sir Jean seems to have placated Flav and there has been no talk about court cases for, oh, several weeks. You have to look at what does not hit the headlines. Sir Jean has been brilliant.
Flav can come back but, this is the point that everyone, except Pitpass, has missed, he has had to agree to his part in Crashgate. This is the unspoken thing that Sir Jean has pulled off. Without fanfare, Sir Jean has extracted a confession from Flav because Flav had to agree to the five year ban. Sir Jean has not made an issue of this, which is why most hacks missed it. He has not beaten his chest and bellowed, he has just got on and buried the issue while requiring Briatore to accept punishment.
Of course most hacks missed it, there was no press release.
We have seen senior Formula One drivers from the recent past enlisted as FIA Stewards at races and there has been little criticism of stewards' decisions. Max could have done that, but he chose stewards from obscure motor sport countries, perhaps to boost his political influence.
In the real world, you do not choose someone from England to rule on baseball and you do not ask a Brazilian to judge cricket.
Sir Jean has been doing a pretty good job and a measure of how well he has been doing is that we have not noticed him. He did, however, nearly go wrong in the wake of Lewis lighting up his tyres in Melbourne and being stopped by the police. The President suggested 'protocols' for drivers. Fernando Alonso said it was a daft idea and it was dropped. Good for Fernando and good for Sir Jean, because he listened.
I can imagine Sir Jean getting all kinds of PR advice. Lewis was caught being Lewis while, at the same time, Tiger Woods was all over the media. Leaving aside the question, since when has golf been a sport, Woods behaved foolishly. For one thing, if he wanted to cheat on his wife, he could have bought each of his concubines a personal cell phone. He is wealthy beyond imagining but, like most sportsmen, Tiger is tighter than a gnat's arse.
Tiger was as dumb as those people who write what they think about their boss on Facebook and then are surprised when they get sacked. He gave his home number to sluts and was surprised when they left messages on his answerphone. That is a man who needs to get a life.
His wife had been on the golf circuit, she knew what went on, she bought into it. If golfers have groupies, imagine what racing drivers have. Racing drivers are real men, golfers are a bunch of fannies in silly trousers.
There is a type of female known as a screwdriver. It is my devout wish to meet a screwhack. I am not married. I am up for grabs. Jane Fonda, Catherine Deneuve, are you busy?
Let us recall Lewis in Melbourne. It was late on a summer day and he made his tyres squeal. At the gutter end of UK newspapers, this was front page news because Lewis is a 'celebrity'. Lewis was not arrested and not charged with anything. Melbourne Plod took away his wheels for 48 hours because they are cracking down on anti-social behaviour.
Forget Lewis, think of Bruce showing off to Cherylene. Having your wheels taken away and having to phone for a cab is, I bet, a very effective measure. Full marks to Melbourne Plod, someone has employed lateral thinking.
Lewis did not handle the situation at all well. What he should have done was to get out of his car and approach the police with open hands. Every cop, everywhere, secretly dreams of being an F1 driver, or doing something equally macho. They finish up with traffic violations. They only solve murders in fiction.
Lewis has an entourage and such people get everything wrong, they are only pathetic hangers-on. Members of Hamilton's entourage tried to stop a Melbourne citizen from filming the incident as though they had any right to do that. They are only pathetic hangers-on, being attached to a celeb does not get you special rights, it actually signals that you are nobody in particular.
Had Lewis followed his instincts, he could have had the cops eating out of his hand. All he had to do was pose for photos and sign a few autographs. Policemen are human. Lewis just had to sit in his car and make them come to him, which is the wrong way to handle it.
Last time I was caught for speeding, I confessed to everything and got off with two months of gardening leave. I admitted to 120 mph because I'd rather the authorities did not know the speed I had actually been doing.
Sir Jean was advised, by spin doctors, to crack down on incidents like Lewis in Melbourne. He issued an ill-judged statement about protocol, Fernando told him it was daft and Sir Jean withdrew. What I really like is that Sir Jean ignored his spin doctors and applied common sense.
In the UK, we are in the middle of a General Election. I light no candle for Gordon Brown, but he is the Prime Minister and so is one of the most influential people in the world.
Gordon was on the campaign trail and his PR people had him meet some daft Northern biddy who raised questions about immigration. I reckon that most countries benefit from migration because the people who have get up and go are those who get up and go.
I regard the young Polish guys who transformed my garden as friends. They worked sixty minutes to the hour and I paid cash on the nail, both sides were happy.
The Prime Minister was guided towards some daft Northern woman by his PR people. As he left, he opined that she was a bigot and he was still miked up. It now did not matter whether or not the daft Northern woman was a bigot. Mr Brown is not allowed to express a private opinion, and the man commands nuclear weapons. His spin doctors made him spend thirty minutes with the daft Northern woman.
I cannot get half an hour with the PM, but one of the most influential men in the world was forced to apologise to the daft bat. It was headlines that the man running the country had a personal opinion. This is the level we have sunk to.
Sir Jean has spin doctors and they told him to do something in the wake of Lewis behaving like a racing driver. I do not think that the idea of protocol came from Sir Jean. There is a man who has known the odd celebration in his time, take a look at his face, you would want him along when you partied. That is the face of a man who has been around the block a few times.
The media was typically stupid asking whether Lewis's performance in Melbourne affected by his brush with the law. Of course it was not, he is a World Champion with all that implies: the confidence, the swagger. It was not his car which was impounded, he had a slight inconvenience before Mercedes-Benz delivered a replacement.
Mercedes-Benz supplies everybody in F1 with wheels, at a massive discount.
Sir Jean has done brilliantly and we have not noticed because we tend to notice mistakes, not when things progress smoothly. Sir Jean has got Flav to confess and he has not made a song and dance about it. What is really good is that he rates the opinion of Fernando Alonso above that of his spin doctors whom he told to go forth and multiply.
Despite the fact that he is French. I am getting to like Sir Jean.
Mike Lawrence
mike@pitpass.com
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