24/07/2018
FEATURE BY MAX NOBLE
Some years back, in the coffee room at work, I was offering an opinion on the latest complexities appearing on front wing end plates. We were all sucking our teeth and generally offering the sort of semi-informed views and opinions that engineers love providing on areas of interest outside their core learning area.
To my surprise one staff member became somewhat indignant and strident of tone as they proceeded to tell the group that we were an uninformed, uneducated bunch of chipmunks who had not the slightest, not the very slightest, idea what we were talking about. We had all the understanding of the topic that the aforementioned forest dwelling rodent had of organic chemistry and the processes of nature that kept the nuts coming each autumn. Mildly taken aback, and having not yet finished my first coffee of the day, I crisply replied that as experienced engineers, that between us had worked on world class gas, oil, commercial, and defence projects, I felt we knew enough between us of basic aerodynamics, laminar flows, and boundary layers to have a half-sensible opinion on the subject.
No so! I was sternly informed. It took Great Intellect to work on the subtle delicacies of the Details of Physics. Great Intellect we lacked, and that we were then informed, this person's sibling did possess in abundance, as he was the technical director over-seeing the development of the very tricky item of science come art we were discussing, or more precisely I had been questioning. Ah...
So it was an interesting moment as the planet stopped turning and only the soft tick-ticking of the espresso machine filled the room.
I then expressed my delight at discovering their brother was in such an esteemed engineering position, before respectfully restating I was not a grade one chipmunk.
In return they gratefully accepted respect for their brother, before restating they knew a grade one chipmunk when they saw one, and I was he. Now in many matters of opinion a Gallic shrug of the shoulders and moving on, differences confirmed and accepted, is the adult thing to do. But most engineers are, at least to some extent, and with highly varying degrees of supporting justification, proud of their ability to think, reason, and problem solve. Hence my brow furrowed, which no doubt would have broken laminar flow over my skull had I been doing 350 kph along the Dottinger Hohe straight head first at the Nordschleife, but what would I know? This chipmunk was pushing back.
A brief, polite, word play ensued which ended with the robust assurance that of all the chipmunks in all the forests of the world it was axiomatic that I was the dumbest, and probably had mange and nut breath to boot. While I was formulating a witty, yet intelligent and mostly respectful comeback about why were there always so many nuts around said chipmunk the espresso machine elected to go into self-clean mode and emitted an alarming series of steam powered hisses and clanks that frightened the life out of the gathered chipmunks… I mean world class engineers, and before anyone could be beaten soundly with a signed edition of Bill Gate's "The Road Ahead" we thankfully dispersed.
Which brings me, dear reader, to the current topic that recalled that gladiatorial moment to my mind.
In the German GP press conference the driver's, other than reasonably wanting closer racing, and continuing fun, wanted to simplify the racing technology "for the fans".
Well I believe Ross Brawn is a fan of F1. As are most members of most teams. Do they sit around the garage all day moaning, "Gee, this is so complex, please Liberty Media save me!"...?
Many other fans have done simple things like design and develop aircraft, road cars, iPhones, new medical procedures, refined manufacturing techniques for a thousand useful items, and invent the Rubik Cube. Actually I'm not sure if Erno Rubik is a fan... but I know George Lucas and George Harrison have been to races... and Jenson Button at the time asked who "... the nice old man with the beard" was (after meeting George Harrison some years back). I feel comfortable saying that both these Georges can be considered fine intellects in their fields and would probably not have fainted if confronted with some basic high school physics in the name of saying what the big flat things at the front and rear of the racing wotsit were.
Indeed some arm waving along with napkins, bread rolls, and the water jug use around the concepts of the internal combustion engine would probably have sat reasonably well with them both too.
Could Ronaldo or Messi have explained all the detail of the planes they flew on to the Russian World Cup? Could they have explained the basic physics behind modern digital cameras, and the newly installed video assistant referee? Possibly not. It did not stop them playing football. If, when they were both gifted a couple of weeks free time due to being out the competition, one had sat down with them over a quiet mineral water, do you think they would have grasped a high school level explanation of these technologies? (For the sake of this piece I'm going with "Yes", ok).
So us the dear fan who needs to be rescued by Liberty Media and have F1 technology dumbed down because it makes our poor chipmunk minds hurt just to be on the same planet as such awesomeness, can we, dear reader, ever hope to grasp the immense accomplishment that is obeying the laws of physics while exceeding the speed of Hercule Poirot on the Orient Express?
Editor Balfe and I have enjoyed amusing feedback, blunt feedback, and highly informed and intelligent feedback over the years. Clearly much of our readership is far, far from the dumbest chipmunk in the forest. You are informed people. Many of you have worked, or still work, in complex areas of endeavour. Indeed many of you have worked in Motorsport in complex and demanding roles.
You are an informed, educated, thoughtful, highly capable readership. I will go out on a limb (well I guess I am a chipmunk and that has some advantages...) and say very few of our readers follow Wrestle-Mania and believe Elvis lives on the Dark Side of the Moon.
Laminar flow. Bernoulli's principle. Attached flow and stall angles. Pitch. Roll. Yaw. Any of you hyperventilating and reaching for your lucky rabbit paw to ease that racing heart? Didn't think so.
The laws of physics are nothing if not utterly uniform. Miss Physics holds the just and the unjust, the sainted and the haunted, the educated and the clueless to the same, the exact, precise, unwaveringly identical same, laws each and every nano-second we occupy this plane of existence.
And we as readers, and the wider F1 fan base, all somehow manage to execute our day jobs without requiring Liberty Media, or the FIA, to hold our hand while we, in sheer sweaty chipmunk terror, try to grapple with "smart stuff". How did anything outside Planet Paddock ever get built!?
In no order, Adrian Newey, Gordon Murray, Colin Chapman were, or still are, towering intellectual giants of the sport. They are folk who could envisage, create, plan, invent, and make real the most remarkable racing technology. I respect each of these engineering geniuses immensely. Could I, Maximus Chipmunk create what they did? No I could not. Could I understand what they had built and now it is in the stark light of day obeying the laws of physics we must all abide by, no matter our Alma mater or raw IQ score, gaze upon it and have some modest understanding of what's going on? Well, bold Chipmunk that I am, I will hold my lucky rabbit paw aloft (not so lucky for ol' thumper...) and shaking my fury fist at the sky yell "Indeed so! Physics I get Ye!"
So please, people of Planet Paddock, Aliens of Liberty Media, understand that out in the wide and varied trees of the forest, chipmunks, utterly without your help, engineer buildings and bridges, build computers, advance medical science, and generally get stuff done that requires a modest amount of intellect, and at least a "smiles in the Aldi car park" relationship with Miss Physics.
We might not have invented or engineered the remarkable solutions seen on the cars within F1, but we do have the skills to understand them once a genius has worked with Miss Physics to bring them into being.
So when we say, "Gee, those end-plates on that new front wing look over done and could be excessively sensitive to cross winds, or turbulence from the wake off the car in front." Please respect we might just know Miss Physics well enough to grasp some of the basics here.
Yes, your smarty pants brother is still super smart, but I reserve the right to scamper up the nearest chestnut tree and rain nuts on your head. The forest creatures may be revolting! Expect Liberty Media supplied F1 throwing nuts to be available at a dollar a handful at a nut store near you shortly. Those rodents can smell a Super Bowl Experience with dollars attached a mile off. And the world of international business does not obey the laws of Miss Physics. Yet us caring fans reserve the right to hold opinions based on our humble understanding of Physics, and to love our sport as we do because of the grace and elegance of the engineering solutions generated by the geniuses within the sport. Even if some sections of the forest would appear to be full of nuts.
Max Noble.
Learn more about Max and check out his previous features, here