28/02/2014
NEWS STORY
Despite its ongoing problems, Red Bull has taken time out to take an amusing swipe at some over enthusiastic reporting.
It would appear that a "major news broadcaster" ran a story this morning claiming that Sebastian Vettel suffered a "massive hissy fit in Jerez" subsequently "refusing to drive the car because it wasn't very good, and storming off in a huff”.
Consequently, Red Bull Spy sought to shed light on the claim, though not identifying who was responsible.
"I suppose it could be true," he wrote. "Maybe four World Championships really have turned him into a screaming primadonna. Perhaps what really happened is Seb leapt out of the car and started foaming at the mouth. He made a very rude gesture in the direction of Adrian, snarled at Rocky, kicked Ole in the spanners and then stormed out of the garage, saddled his unicorn and rode back to Switzerland.
"Meanwhile Adrian's lost his copy of the Illustrated Junior Encyclopaedia of Motorsport and says he can't design without it. Daniel's sulking is really starting to get everyone down, Dr Marko has decided to return to his roots and become a dubstep producer under his street name DJ Graz and, after his New York residency last summer, Christian's far more interested in street art than F1 anyway.
"Seb, meanwhile has sent us a postcard, and says he's really sorry for all the fuss. He'll be back soon but has decided to chill for a while by spending a couple of weeks watching daytime soaps and eating crisps 'round at Mark's house.
"Maybe that's what happening. It's certainly a rumour. No one outside the team knows for sure and those inside won't say..."
Great to see the Austrian team retains its sense of humour, particularly under the circumstances, and great also to see such media drivel shown up for what it is. Bull s**t.
Chris Balfe