There is an old rambling joke about a country lad asked by a city chap how to get back to the nearest large town, to which the country lad replies: "Well I wouldn't start from here".
I wonder to what extent drivers and teams are in terms of arriving at championship glory by the end of the season, or as some teams perennially promise... Next season? Are currently thinking to themselves that to get there, they would rather not be starting from here...? In the spirit of a mid-term review let's have a relaxed look at the journey so far, and plot where we think they are on the map.
Mercedes are living their own marketing releases with, "The Best or Nothing", being met with cheery toasts of "Too darn right!" By Toto, Niki, and the gang. They simply have to keep on going as they have the car and team exactly where it needs to be. Lewis appears to have embraced being Lewis with passion and focus, and the result is a supreme driver at the top of his game that similarly feels more of the same will produce all he desires.
Meanwhile Nico is sure to feel that he had the perfect route programmed into his smartphone only for some cheeky chap to go and mess with the settings and spring road blocks on every corner. No doubt he feels that "here" is not currently a good place from which to get to "there". It remains to be seen if he can scout out the path he needs to grab championship glory.
Ah Red Bull! Unquestionably it does give you wings. It appears you just cannot flatten the fizz in this one. Last year we felt they might quit while limping along the same path as other bottom half of the order teams. Now they appear to have flown through three years of recovery development in a single off-season. They either flew, or found a short cut that Alice never located through the looking glass. Again the team might like the road ahead, but their drivers might have differing views of their place on the bumpy road to the future. Max is unquestionably loving each step and is bouncing along for all the world as carefree as Maria romping up those Alpine mountains at the beginning of The Sound of Music. Right now Max believes he can get anywhere from here. Probably similar to the feeling Daniel had much earlier on his path. Right now he must feel he has taken a wrong turn towards the black gates of Mordor, and Christian Horner has turned from placid Smegal providing turn by turn voice directions, back into Highway to Hell Gollum.
Speaking of dragons and dark lords, over at Ferrari we have Game of Thrones Latin style rocking down the road to empire size destruction. Since the mighty lord Luca was ejected without ceremony from the iron throne no one has been able to sit on it long enough to draw a meaningful new map, let along get the show on the road... Thankfully the court jester and his trusty companion the ageing knight are happy to sing their way through the old song book (left on a relaxing pool side chair by Jean or Gerhard I'm sure) about the grand days of old, and how great it is to at least ride in the colours of a once mighty kingdom. Even if they are riding around in circles banging coconut halves together in place of a real chassis and engine set up. Who needs to worry about the destination when the journey itself is reward enough?
Meanwhile on the rocket orange road to nowhere we have our trusty Samurai, Alonso, and his faithful road trip buddy Jenson. I'd love to cast Ron as Saurman, but then I'd be mixing (extended) metaphors across teams, and I've been roasted by the readership for such errant writing in the past. So Ron needs to be content with being the Shogun who said, "I'm just popping down to the Imperial Court in Tokyo. I'll only be a moment and I'll be right back with the most wizard map ever to guide us to the promised land. Yes, really!" And so, speaking and stepping boldly into the dark night, the mighty Shogun has not been heard from since. Indeed his lands are falling into disrepair while his faithful men whistle a merry tune as the road rambles ever on... (Where it goes no one knows).
Now we get onto the crowded streets of "any Town, Generic-ca", so where better to view the road than from the vanguard of the Haas team road trip? These guys have a map that might not be the fastest route to the golden future, but it appears to run true. I cannot see anyone in this team being upset with the journey so far, or the road ahead. Unquestionably Romain is looking like an expert map reader right now. No one, other than him, it appears, saw this delightful road trip unfolding. As long as Mr Haas doesn't go all Thelma and Louise on him, this trip should deposit them delightfully at a most deserved relaxing sunset at season end, all set for a bright dawn next season with a clear fast road before them.
Ah... Williams... I love these guys! Trouble is they seem to be the Rocky Balboa of F1. Snatching a complete beating from the teeth of what should have been a relaxing stroll in a sunlit park. Claire's welcoming smile, and Frank's indomitable spirit should be enough to ensure any road trip is both enjoyable and successful. So why are there two drivers, I forget their names right now, I think they still turn up each race, Wotsit and the other one driving in furious circles, or completely the wrong directions? Has someone loaded a joke version of google maps into their smartphones? Currently run away winners of my "Most enjoyable team to get totally lost with" award.
I think we've got some others lost somewhere in our freeway map of the 2016 season, but they all appear to have got lost in back roads, side road trips to "scenic view points" (for questionable selfies), or pulled into a roadside rest area for a quick nanna -nap.
Sauber have the nanna-nap award sewn up for the season having pulled over to avoid falling asleep at the wheel. Only team with zero points. If I think on it too long I'll cry.
Torro Rosso are set to live up to their Red Bull Exit Seat name, with Kvyat surely about to be freed to walk down any road he likes, Red Bull no longer care where he drives, as long as it does not involve them. Meanwhile Carlos gets the "Nearly Star in a Nearly Sensible Car", and “Steady as She Goes" awards for safest drive of the season. I'd most want him to be the driver of the school bus. Is he set to prove that you can speed up tidy? Actually, he's really quite fast. I think he is on a good road.
Somehow Force India have kept to the plan and by selecting a few choice short cuts have managed to pop out on the main road far nearer a good ending than many would have predicted.
Oh, and Manor scored another point, so jolly good for them. Beating Sauber. I think Pascal might use the next comfort stop to jump out the back of the wagon and make his own way toward the end of the journey. I think he has the talent to hitch a far faster ride.
So as the teams and drivers lower the top on their convertibles for a well-earned evening cruise over the summer break some of them are truly travelling well, some have scratched the car and lost their hire deposit, others have lost the map, and a couple are bogged at the side of the road, with their lower lips trembling as they hover on the edge of a sorely needed hissy fit.
Cannot wait to see who makes the comfort stop fastest, bolts down the ice cream and powers into an Autumn of smooth motoring, a sunset road trip of delight.
Bets on Lewis or Nico being the one with the clear open road ahead...?
Max Noble.
Learn more about Max and check out his previous features, here
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